November 2010

Nov

19

Can Facebook hurt your marriage?

Today I posted a question on my Fan Page on Facebook; it seemed like the perfect place to ask: “Does Facebook hurt your marriage?” 

Within twenty seconds almost fifty people responded.  All said“YES” in capital letters.

I guess Facebook users agree  – social networking hurts relationships. 

Some even LOL’d or LMAO’d when they typed their answer.

One person even confessed that Facebook ended her 7 month partnership.  Another claimed he left his wife because of Facebook. 

So why are they still on-line? 

Probably because it’s fun, quick and it feels like a game. Social networking sites create easy opportunity to meet other people and it feels like a real live video game,  with real/imaginary/cyber people that you get to call “Friends.”   

Social networking is usually a solitary sport.  You do it privately, but at the touch of a keystroke you get to meet thousands of other cyber buddies. 

It can then be easier to reveal private details about one’s self to a Facebook Friend because there is  no physical proximity-  and no eye contact. 

Cyber-intimacy may be our new way to create intimacy in relationships in this age of digital connections. 

But if its hurting your relationship, maybe its time to TTYL, Friend.

 

 

Dr Tammy Nelson is the author of “Getting the Sex You Want” and can be followed on www.yourtango.com or www.thirdage.com

 

Nov

05

Can Cheating Help Your Marriage?

Can infidelity ever be positive?  Isn’t cheating a way to kill a marriage?  Doesnt betrayal breaks up even the strongest relationships? 

For many that is exactly what happens.  The pain and betrayal of infidelity sometimes cannot be healed.  An affair can mean the end of a marriage or committed partnership, and for some couples it should be the end.  Affairs can be devastating and harmful to everyone involved.  Many times the upheaval to the children and the spouse is not worth the price of staying together.

But for some couples, an affair can be a wake up call.

The disclosure of an affair can mean that a relationship has reached its breaking point.  The crisis can facilitate a new direction in the relationship.  For some marriages this can be a positive development. 

Chris and Ann, married 20 years, agree. 

“We NEVER would have made it for the long haul if it hadnt been for Chris’s affair!  I know it sounds crazy,” Ann says, “But its the best thing that ever happened to us.  I realized after I found out he was cheating that I had to change, and fast, if I wanted to make our marriage work.  It wasnt just Chris who had drifted,  I was so far out of the marriage that it was no surprise that this is where it led.  One of us was bound to cheat eventually.  Now we are talking more, spending more time together and making room in our lives for our intimate needs.  I wouldnt wish this on anyone, but I am glad in a way that it happened when it did.  We are choosing to stay together and make things work.  We are the lucky ones.”

Some couples swear that cheating was the wake up call they needed to help their marriage.  

 

To read the rest of this article go to http://www.yourtango.com/proconnect/user/20529/articles/editor

 

 

Email me at tammy@tammynelson.org or call for an appointment or Intensive at 203-438 3007.

 

Best wishes,

Dr Tammy Nelson