Dr. Tammy Nelson

Are you an Imago Therapist? 

Sylvia Rosenfeld LCSW and I will be in New York October 1st to talk about Sex and Couples. 

All You Wanted to Know About Sex Therapy but Were Afraid to Ask: Case Consultation with Tammy Nelson PhD and Sylvia Rosenfeld LCSW

For Imago relationship therapists, case consultation is a wonderful way to expand your knowledge and skill in the area of sexuality, especially when you feel stuck or challenged.  

Tammy and Sylvia will use supervision/consultation processes to assist you in your work with individuals and couples who are dealing with:

Affairs

Desire discrepancy

Low or no sex relationships

Sexual dysfunctions (erectile dysfunction, inhibited orgasm and others)

Bring your questions, concerns and curiosity.

 Friday October 1^st, 2010 9:30 AM- 1:30 PM

 Email for more info:  tammy@tammynelson.org

How many people cheat? In 2002 studies revealed that  50-60% of married men and 45-55% of married women engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.  That means about half of all men and women will have an affair at some point in their marriage.

Why do people stay?  Sometimes an affair is a wake up call in a relationship.  It can shake the very foundations of a commitment and many times that may be what it takes for a couple to pay attention and start working on their marriage or partnership.

Why would a spouse stay with a partner who has cheated?  Just because someone betrays you doesn’t mean you stop loving them, and it doesnt necessarily mean they have stopped loving you either. 

Good therapy can help couples move past forgiveness to a “new monogamy” and into a new future for the relationship.  Finding the right kind of therapy, and a therapist that is a good fit for you can be tough.  Contact me for help.

Dr Tammy Nelson, 203.438.3007 or tammy@tammynelson.org

Why go on a couples retreat?

For the same reason you would take a workshop.  A weekend away to focus on your relationship, whether it is in town or far away, is a journey into intimacy and a more connected partnership.  You can work through trauma; betrayal, hurt, anger, abandonment, fear.  And you can re-connect after times of distance and neglect.  Maybe you miss each other.  The early days of your relationship are sometimes the most rewarding.  Yet later in life you can feel the ultimate reward by having a conscious relationship that crosses into a more mature and deeper love - a real partnership.

And maybe a weekend isnt enough.  Maybe you want to go to a destination that is totally different than your every day life.  Someplace tropical, where you can forget your worries and your responsibilities and just focus on each other.  Building trust and creating safety sometimes feels easier on the beach and in the tropical air.

Either way, there are options.  I have a weekend retreat in Connecticut October 2-3rd.  Get the Love You Want, working with the Imago relationship therapy techniques developed by Harville Hendrix.  This workshop really changes your relationship, and can change your life.

Or for those seeking more adventure and maybe a great vacation at the same time, I have a week long retreat for couples in Mexico March 12 to 19th, focused on getting the love AND the sex you want. 

To register for both or one of these workshops or to find out more info, click on the EVENTS page or email for more details.

www.drtammynelson.com/events/

tammy@tammynelson.org

Thanks!

Tammy Nelson, PhD

Certified Imago workshop presenter

Board Certified Sexologist

Author of "Getting the Sex You Want"

Question from a reader:

"I am 70 years old.  I look back at my marriage now, of 50 plus years and I wonder how we made it.  We both had affairs.  I had one when I was young, in my 20's, back when good girls never did such a thing.  And he, well he had several I think.  I dont know.  We never talked about it.  But I think we both did it because we had never been with anyone else except each other. And we never would leave each other.  Not like people today.  They have sex with a lot of people before they get married, and then if they dont like each other they get divorced and marry other people.  We didnt.  We got stuck with what we had, and we rode it out.   And sometimes, (I know this sounds terrible!) and sometimes we rode other people!  I am laughing now, thinking of that.  My boyfriend was a cowboy.  I lived in Montana at the time.  We didnt do things like that.  But I grew up a lot from that experience.  And I think my husband did too. Why did we do it?  I am not sure.  But I think it was part of what had to happen."

Dear Reader:

Affairs are always growth trying to happen.  Whether its your growth or the growth of the relationship, something is trying to shift.  Sometimes an affair means your partner needs to grow.  Many times affairs are a misguided way to push the relationship along.  And sometimes an affair is a collusion, many times unexpressed and unconscious between a couple, to change something in the relationship.   You might both know something is going on, but neither wants to admit it. 

Like all life, we grow towards our fullest potential, even if we have to get there the hard way.   Can you grow together, fully, bringing all of you into the relationship?  Or does part of you need to grow outside the bounds?  Where does your belief about who you are as a person create a boundary for yourself?  Sometimes we create a boundary for ourself then jump across it as a way to individuate.    Is there a way to do that by exploring your sexuality in your marriage?  By pushing your edge with your current partner?  If not, then integrating your growth into your self image over the years becomes part of the narrative of who you are.  It cant be taken back.  Sometimes, in your case, it becomes a part of a positive story about the two of you, never spoken of, but without destroying the two of you. 

I am so glad neither of you got hurt along the way.

Dr Tammy Nelson

tammy@tammynelson.org