Monica Lewinsky and The Price of Sexual Shame

Monica Lewinsky has been shamed and publicly humiliated for decades now. She was blamed for the president’s shameful humiliation and dragged through a media storm never before seen in this country when she admitted, or was forced to admit, that she had a sexual affair with the then-president, Bill Clinton.

Although Clinton had a checkered past with other women, Lewinsky had become the focus of all of our public outrage about his affairs, and, what we learned from her recent TED speech, the brutalized victim of a new form of bullying, online attacks directly on her character.

After a decade, Monica recently stood up on the stage in Vancouver in front of a global Internet audience and declared that it was time to change her story.

And she did. She told us several things about her story that perhaps we didn’t know. Number one, she was in love with the president. She wasn’t just the party girl intern who thought it was cool to fool around with the big guy in the oval office, although I am sure that was part of the intrigue. And why not? It’s sexy to have an affair with a man in such a high place. But she had feelings for the man, and was hurt. She still thinks of her mistake as an “improbable romance.”

Her romanticizing of the relationship with the king of America makes her the girl who thought she could be queen, and may have almost helped her to justify her behavior, and yet from her speech we see more than that. We see a transparent, vulnerable, peek into the inner life of a young woman who became the butt of cruel jokes and unprecedented negative judgment. It was slut shaming at its finest.

Continue reading on HuffingtonPost: Monica Lewinsky and the Price of Sexual Shame

Sex makes you AWESOME at your job

Great sex just makes everything better — including your career.

Research shows that people who have more sex at home with their partner are more successful at work and do better in their careers. There are lots of ways that sex makes life better. But in your career, sex can actually help you succeed, get promoted and make more money.

Don’t believe me? In my most recent blog for YourTango, I shared the 5 Ways Sex Makes You AWESOME At Your Job (Says Science). Give it a try tonight and share your results with the community on my Facebook.

Video: How do you attract the perfect partner?

Anyone familiar with my work (Getting The Sex You Want or The New Monogamy) knows that a happy marriage full of love isn’t a magical fairytale like the culture tells us. If both partners are dedicated to giving to the relationship, then both partners will receive the love they want. So you’re ready to attract the perfect partner, but what do you do to bring Mr. or Mrs. Right into your life? What do we do when we are ready to find our soul mate?

As a host for YourTango, I asked the Experts to weigh in: “What steps can you take to attract the perfect partner?”

Imago Institute’s Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Tony Victor LCPC, Sue Butler LMFT and Certified Sex Therapist Kimberly Anderson get into the nitty gritty of the perfect relationship and what it takes to make things work.

The bottom line is that you can’t find genuine love if you don’t love yourself. In the following video, we make a convincing case for why you must get your own life in order BEFORE you can truly appreciate and enjoy your soul mate.


Hockey teaches us about love

In America most of us sports fan are engrossed in either Baseball or Football. In Canada, the popular sport obsession is hockey. Hockey is more than a sport to Canadians – it’s integrated into every day life. Because hockey is so predominant in Canadian culture, Susan Wenzel, a fellow sex therapist, wondered if we could learn a thing or two about how to have a happy love life by looking at the energy and behavior of hockey fans.

Check out her blog for the Winnipeg Sun: Love lessons from the hockey rink: Sex therapist finds 5 comparisons between sport and romance

Video: What is a sex therapist?

Some people are unclear about what sex therapists do. I am so happy that Dale Allen and Arden Donahue invited me to share my work as a sexologist and sex therapist. We shared some great tips and tools to open the dialogue about great sex.

Watch the video:

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