Girls turn into Boys – Fascinating story of the Guevedoces

Last week I read this article about a remote village in the Dominican Republic where young girls appear to turn into boys, growing muscles, body hair, testes, and a penis. In my recent education about transgender persons and expanding my understanding of gender in humans, I’ve realized that sex and gender encompasses much more than the genitalia we are born with. Biological sex is determined through multiple characteristics including hormones, gonads, external genitalia, internal sex organs, and even brain dimorphism. Guevedoces are boys who are chromosomally XY (boys) but appear to be female based on external genitalia at birth because they did not receive the dihydro-testosterone required to turn the tubercle into a penis in utero. When puberty begins, they receive a fresh batch of testosterone and develop the genitalia to match. Many of these boys who are raised as girls describe feeling like they wanted to be a boy all along, and grow up to live normal lives as men. They are an example of hormonal sex and chromosomal sex not matching, and their sense of gender often is mismatched with their assigned gender. If this level of inconsistency is possible on a biological level, could gender also vary widely on a psychological level? Do transgender people have an internal sense of gender that differs from the biological characteristics they were born with? I would love to hear what you think. Write back to me, in the comments of this this blog.

For Professionals: 3-day Sex & Couples Therapy Training November 2015 in Washington, DC

This challenging and fun program will help doctors, nurses, social workers, counselors, psychologists, and any beginning student who want to learn to work with issues around sexuality, human behavior and couples, including desire and arousal issues, function and dysfunction, infidelity and monogamy, stress and compulsivity, communication and passion. Attendees will learn up to date research, real life clinical cases and interventions.

All lectures will be taught by top experts recognized in the field of human sexuality both nationally and worldwide, including Dr. Gail Guttman. Dr. Guttman is an approved provider of Continuing Education for the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).

Held at : The Chicago School of Psychology / 901 15th Street NW, Washington, DC

Day One : November 5, 2015: Sexuality and Couples Counseling – Sex, Desire Dilemmas and Countertransference

Day Two : November 6, 2015: Sexuality and Healing – Sex, Affairs, Monogamy and Relationship Therapy

Day Three : November 7, 2015: Sexual Attitude Reassessment (SAR)

You may register now for the SAR and/or the Sex and Couples Therapy days. If you register for all three days you will receive a significant discount.

Tuition : $450 for 2 days; $559 for all 3 days; $395 for SAR only

Register by Oct 10th (tomorrow!) : $425 for 2 days; $550 for 3 days; $350 for SAR only

Register on my website HERE

5 Reasons Men Cheat With Women They Hire

I was somewhat dismayed when I heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver were breaking up back in 2011, and that the reason for their break up was Arnold’s affair with his family’s housekeeper.

And this year, Jennifer Garner divorced husband Ben Affleck, after he allegedly had an affair with their children’s nanny. Not even weeks later, Gwen Stefani also announced her divorce with Gavin Rossdale after he, too, allegedly had a fling with the nanny, though their divorce papers state “irreconcilable differences” as the reason.

It seems like every other day on the news a story surfaces about a powerful man cheating on his beautiful wife with an employee, an intern or some other type of domestic worker. What makes those who are powerful and famous, wealthy and privileged, go after those hired to serve them? What is behind the appeal of seducing an employee, specifically one who works in your home?

My article The Allure Of The Nanny: 5 Reasons Men Cheat With Women They Hire has been quoted in Examiner. Check it out.

Quick Tip for Therapists: Working with Couples in Non-Traditional Relationships

How do you work with and understand couples who have a non-traditional lifestyle that may not align with your own? I answered this question for therapists who are subscribed to New Harbinger Publication’s e-newsletter list.

Working with Couples in Non-Traditional Relationships

What does it mean to work with couples in open marriages? Not all therapists personally agree with the concept of open marriage. However, you don’t have to change your values to treat couples who have chosen a lifestyle that doesn’t align with your own. It’s important to be aware of the myriad of possible non-traditional relationships you might encounter in your practice. Here are some examples:

Closed Marriage. This is what most of us think of when we picture “monogamy.” A closed marriage is one in which both partners agree to sexual and emotional fidelity.

Open Marriage. “Open” is a general term that covers many different types of marriage agreements, but usually is defined as leaving room for outside sexual partners. In open marriages, sexual encounters with people other than the spouse are accepted as part of the relationship agreement.

Polyamory. Poly comes from the Greek, meaning “many,” and the Latin amour, meaning “love,” so Polyamory defined means “many loves.” It is different from open marriage in that it’s not just ‘sex for fun’ with outside partners, but loving, romantic, and emotional connections with others outside of the marriage. Poly couples believe they can love more than one person at a time, and maintain a primary partner at the same time.

Swinging. Traditionally, swinging couples swapped partners for a fun sexual experience, purely for the eroticism. The North American Swing Club Association (NACSA) describes swinging as “the recreation” for couples whether they are married, committed (having an ongoing emotional relationship), living together (co-habitating, with or without an ongoing intimate relationship), or single couples who date. To learn more, visit:

In working with couples, one of the biggest challenges arises when one partner wants to open the marriage, while the other one does not.  One exercise therapists can use in a couples session is to have each partner write down their fears, fantasies, and desires with respect to the possibility of changing their monogamy agreements. Then have them share with one another, and discuss the power and potential of the answers. This exercise allows each partner to be heard, and when each experiences validation, they can usually come to agreements on what type of relationship they want going forward.

It’s advisable that partners examine every aspect of their monogamy continuum from fantasy to polyamory, to decide if they should—or if they want to—make changes to their marriage or relationship. It’s also important that the couple talk before, during, and after if they want to make any changes to their monogamy agreements—explicit or implicit—or after they’ve been hurt if one of them strays.

Can couples cheat in open marriages? Any time a partner goes outside of the agreement, they have violated their relationship, whether open or closed, fluid or flexible, and the root of the problem is usually dishonesty. The lies each partner tells usually begin long before the betrayal becomes concrete. Having an open discussion about how the dishonesty began is the first step toward healing the relationship.

Therapy should be a safe place with concrete therapeutic interventions to help anyone working on their relationship, regardless of its openness, its dimension, its phases of monogamy, or its form.

To receive future Quick Tips for Therapists from other New Harbinger authors and experts, subscribe to their e-newsletter list at

How to get the sex you want with the partner you have (even after kids)

If you’re feeling like the romance and spark has vanished from your relationship, I have a few videos from to share with you:

How to get the sex you want with your partner

Keeping romance and sex life alive after having kids

How to keep the romance alive in a marriage