It Really Is You: How Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?

Do you have crazy trust issues? When you’re out on a date with your partner, does he often get whiplash from your mood swings? If you find that you are constantly being visited by the green eyed monster, it’s more than possible that you are playing a hand in wrecking your own relationship.

YourTango experts John Gray, Tammy Nelson, Susan Heitler, Annie Gleason and Margaret Paul discuss the moments where the phrase “it’s not me, it’s you” really means that it is you. Don’t let your issues sabotage your relationship, your chance at finding love. Check out this video on the habits that you should avoid doing if you want to save your relationship.

Watch It Really Is You: How You Sabotage Your Relationship

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What Every Sex Therapist Should Know about the Pelvic Floor

The pelvic floor is a complicated anatomical entity which includes muscles, soft tissues, nerves, blood supply, and the organs supported within. In addition to sexual function, the pelvic floor is integral in bowel and bladder functioning, sphincter control, and support of the pelvic organs. While the pelvic floor has objective and anatomic markers, pelvic floor function is closely related to psychological processes including anxiety and trauma.

This two hour teleclass is designed to educate counselors, therapist and educators with limited medical background, in the basic anatomy and function of the pelvic floor. The anatomy of the pelvic floor will be reviewed in detail and normal pelvic floor functioning in sexual activity will be elucidated. In addition, the functions of the pelvic floor will be reviewed and explained. The role of the pelvic floor in sexual pain disorders and other sexual problems will be addressed and relevant research will be cited.

We extended early registration for Down Under: What Every Sex Therapist Should Know about the Pelvic Floor until April 23rd – register in the next two days and save $50!

About the class:

Date: May 19th, 2014 from 10:00 am – 12:00 n. Listen live or download the teleclass and listen at your convenience.

Should the government prevent divorce?

It’s not enough to block same sex marriage, social conservatives are now (quietly) trying to restrict divorce. Should couples who are no longer happy and healthy in their marriages be forced to stay married, eventually resorting to infidelity or a host of other damaging acts? Certainly, divorce has become a feared and sometimes damaging process when divorcees take a more combative approach to divorce negotiations. That doesn’t have to be the case though – divorce is one of many transformational processes that couples use to get unstuck. By “stuck” I mean the unconscious collusion that happens between a couple that leads them into crisis and rupture. In the process of becoming conscious through Imago therapy, one path to consciousness for the couple is divorce. I think that for some couples this particular path makes sense, especially given our culture’s emphasis on immediate gratification, pleasure centered choices, low values on long-term committed relationships, and ideas like “a fresh start” and “trying again.”

If you’re a professional or clinician wanting a treatment model for working with couples in divorce or anyone who wants to focus on the conscious work of letting go, download my two-part teleclass The Intentional Divorce: A New Frontier. Being intentional with couples around their rituals, negotiations, and decisions about ending the marriage significantly improves the couple’s chance of ending the relationship emotionally intact, rather than succumbing to the cultural default of lawyers and litigation and turmoil. Using principles of Imago Therapy, this course explores and provides therapists with new ways to work with couples in an effort to have an intentional, conscious, and positive divorce during and after which the individuals, their children, and their families are healthy and whole.

Is it possible to Recover from Affairs?

After infidelity, most couples struggle with rebuilding trust, earning forgiveness, and moving toward a shared vision of a new monogamy and a new future. As a therapist, it’s easy to feel ineffective in the treatment of affairs. There is an old model of infidelity treatment that focuses on a perpetrator and a victim. Common dilemmas in affair recovery often surface around this “threesome” and only make the secret keeping, both in the therapy as well as in the primary relationship, worse. The real healing comes when couples and the therapist learn to be transparent, to confront the differences between privacy and secrecy and when the causes of the affair are explored in a nonpathological way. Forgiveness can be a stuck place as well. And is many times the cause of divorce or separation. “I cant forgive you,” or “Why cant you forgive me?” is a stuck place for many couples who have cheated. Yet forgiveness is a power struggle. Some days there is true forgiveness and understanding and other days, when there is no balance in the relationship, the one who has been cheated on may take back their forgiveness to even the score. Forgiveness is not the goal of the therapy. Empathy is the focus of long term healing. Imago relationship therapy works well in this model, with its structure and understanding of validation and empathy for each partner.

Join me in a new webinar on May 14, May 21, and May 28, 2014 to learn how to help couples work through these major stumbling blocks using Imago therapy techniques of dialogue, validation and empathy. Imago therapy is uniquely therapeutic when it comes to working with affairs and will help any therapist deal directly with couples in the dialogical process necessary for post affair healing.

To register online please click here.
To register as a Graduate Student, please email

Check out the world’s biggest online Conscious Sexuality and Relationship Conference at No-Cost!

Please join me for the FREE Online Conscious Sexuality and Relationship Conference this May hosted by Marc David and Emily Rosen, and sponsored by the Institute for Conscious Sexuality and Relationship! The Conscious Sexuality and Relationship Conference features 40+ experts who’ll share innovative ideas and daring insights in these fascinating realms. You’ll experience an approach that honors all of who we are as sexual and relational beings – body, mind, heart and soul. That’s why I’m so excited to be one of the featured experts in this unique online event May 12-16th 2014, which you can sign up for FREE here: The Conscious Sexuality and Relationship Conference

This is going to be the largest online conference of its kind, ever! Get ready to be inspired by speakers from a variety of disciplines who each have something unique and innovative to share.

Some topics include:

- Cutting edge research on sex, biology and the brain
- A deeper understanding of Tantra
- Evolutionary Psychology looks at relationship and sexuality
- Communication styles
- New visions in relationship and sex
- Mindful Loving
- Ancient wisdom teachings
- The psychology of men, sex and relationship
- Modern insights from clinical sex therapy
- The sacred art and science of sexual healing
- Understanding sexual trauma
- New tools for navigating relationship challenges
- The future of love and relationship
- And lots more!

The field of human sexuality and relationship is wildly diverse and often difficult to navigate. It’s time to discover an approach that dives deeper in an honest, engaging, and uplifting way. It’s time to discover our truest sexual and relationship potentials.

Once again, I hope you join me!

Dates: May 12-16 2014

Price: FREE

Sign up online at The Conscious Sexuality and Relationship Conference

CSRC Speaker Badge Tammy Nelson, PhD