One of my favorite new comedians, Amy Schumer, is one of the most popular comedians out there right now. The writer of Trainwreck, the movie, has a lot to say about self-love, positive body image and loving her shape, having ambition and ignoring her haters. She also reminds me of myself fifteen years ago. Some of my friends ask if we are possibly related? She is changing the narrative about women’s sexuality today and her forthright style is funny, shocking to some, and real. Here are some of her best quotes.
ON BEING UNAPOLOGETIC
“I will speak and share and f— and love, and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it.”
“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say.”
“Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I’ve never woken up and been like, ‘What is this Pilates mat doing out?'”
ON BEING A WOMAN
“It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that its work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.”
“I get labelled a sex comic. But if a guy got up onstage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say, ‘He’s a thinker.’”
I’ve always made it my primary goal to save the marriage, if at all possible; however, I’ve often felt that I was working harder at it than either of the partners involved, especially with the couples who come to my office only to check off an imaginary box—“tried couples therapy”—before heading off to consult their respective lawyers. Of course, even among these last-ditch efforts, some unhappy couples do find new and better ways of relating to each other during therapy and decide to stick together. But what I’ve come to realize is that once a marriage has sufficiently unraveled, therapy often hits an impasse, and divorce becomes an inevitable reality.
At one time in my career, I’d have considered divorce as an outcome of therapy to be a failure—by the couple and by me. But over the years, I’ve learned to think of it as another opportunity to help. I’ve come to realize that I can support divorcing couples by helping them explore viable alternatives to the often wounding and adversarial legal process that normally ends marriages—a process that can make what’s already a bad situation for the couple, their children, and their extended families incalculably worse. I’ve learned that I can help couples end their union in as thoughtful and pragmatic a way as possible. In other words, both partners can come through the experience with their dignity intact, their sanity whole, and in a greater spirit of cooperation and goodwill—attributes they’ll need as they continue to share responsibilities for their investments, their interests and their children.
Thus, when couples clearly intend to divorce, I often guide them through what I call an intentional divorce, which I reframe as not the end but the completion of their marriage.
Read the full article in The Psychotherapy Networker here
Want to learn more about helping couples face separation and divorce, how to introduce a process for healing with intention? October 2nd I will be teaching a free webinar for GoodTherapy.org members with clear and effective treatment strategies to apply in your work with couples as they determine how to move toward a healthy separation when necessary.
Register for the webinar at GoodTherapy.org
After Ashley Madison got hacked, the blogosphere is buzzing with discussion about affairs and infidelity. I was honored to be invited to share my work and knowledge on the Australia Counselling podcast. We discussed questions like:
Have the rates of infidelity gone up?
What is so appealing about cheating?
What is one thing any couple can do today to improve their sex life?
Open marriages: can they really work? Or is an open marriage a recipe for disaster?
What can heterosexual couples learn from gay couples when it comes to open relationships?
Listen to the interview on Australia Counselling podcast here
I love to support friends and colleagues who are leaders in changing how we talk about sex within couples therapy. Barry McCarthy is doing just that with his newest book specially for clinicians dealing with sexual problems and sex therapy, Sex Made Simple: Clinical Strategies For Sexual Issues in Therapy. If you’re ready to integrate sex therapy into your Marriage and Family Therapy practice, start here and save 20% off Amazon’s price with this order form:
Sex Made Simple_ORDER NOW_Form2
My latest blog for Huffington Post in my series on Transgender Men and
Women; And the People that Love them, Work with them and Fight for their
Rights is up! Interview With Grace; Transgender Rights and SCOTUS
I had the honor of interviewing transgender woman, parent, grandparent,
athlete, engineer, and counselor Grace Stevens. Grace shared with me her
thoughts, hopes, and fears following the SCOTUS decision on marriage
As we watch the effect of the SCOTUS outcome, and gay couples around the
country file to the courthouse to marry legally, there are still challenges
to face from the religious conservatives, as well as the families and the
communities of transgendered folks.
Read the full blog on HuffingtonPost