Center for Healthy Sex Teleseminar on New Monogamy after Infidelity Dec 11th

Working with couples, I often see the struggle to recover from betrayal and infidelity. It can be difficult to imagine how a relationship could survive an affair. Sometimes the best path for everyone involved is an intentional and compassionate divorce. But some can create a new monogamy agreement and a new vision for their marriage.

If both parties are willing to work through the changes, accountability, and personal growth involved there can be success in moving forward. If you’re a professional who wants to learn to work with couples renegotiating their monogamy agreement following an affair I’m excited to be a guest speaker on December 11th for the Center for Healthy Sex’s Sex Experts seminar series.

See their upcoming events for more information and to RSVP! 

Compliments and Kindness Hold Amazing Power

This teacher spends ten minutes every day complimenting his special ed students in class.

“I love having you in my class. I think you’re very funny. You’re a great soccer player. Everyone in here loves you,” He says: “I noticed the kids were always more motivated, happier and better behaved…. So we started doing it every day.”

Ulmer said the change has been remarkable in his students, whose diagnoses range from autism to traumatic brain injury to speech apraxia to agenesis of corpus callosum.

“They all came from a segregated environment [from general education students]. Now they’re participating in school activities, dancing in front of hundreds of other kids and in the debate club.” And while Ulmer agrees academics are important, he thought it even more important to reverse the psychological damage that came from being made to feel like outcasts.

If this doesn’t prove that appreciation works, I don’t know what does.

The Responsibilities of Professionals Working with Non-traditional Sexual Expression

Sexual Expression including Orientation and Identity: Treatment and Education is a position statement recently released by AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Education Counselors and Therapists), the certifying body of Sex therapists, counselors and Educators. The statement honors sexuality as a key human experience, and allows for a vast spectrum of sexual orientation and identities. Variant behaviors between consenting adults are not considered pathology. The statement position also focuses on social justice and protection of those who may have been traditionally marginalized.

This article by member Russell Stambaugh reviews the position statement and comments on how working with variable sexual behavior pertains to ethical practice. He highlights the importance of the guidelines the statement outlines regarding the organization’s  commitment to protecting clients from reparative therapy. This has continued implications for professional ethics in diagnostic and treatment protocols.

Members and the public are correct to feel that such a position changes the therapy practice landscape… Diagnostic labels function two ways; sometimes allowing access to treatment yet also conferring shame, promoting dependency, and marginalizing some clients.

Ultimately, AASECT’s adoption of this position is an important step toward ending the stigmatization and marginalization of non-traditional sexual expression.

In Glamour Mag: What Do You Want in Bed

This month in Glamour magazine my expert advice was featured in their article, “What Do You Want in Bed.” I recommended that couples, “Stop making the goal simultaneous orgasms,” and focus instead on having an orgasm before intercourse. Women want pleasure, but they aren’t necessarily worried about getting to the finish line at the same time. There’s more great advice in the article to help get you and your partner on the same page and give you ways to help you to meet each other’s sexual needs.

Have a Philanthropic Thanksgiving

As you finish your travel plans, compile your recipes, and collect your ingredients for Thanksgiving… take a few moments to consider how many families across America this year will struggle to put a meager meal on the table, much less a feast. While many go hungry daily, our food waste hovers at 40% – more than enough to feed every hungry child. Bruce DeBoskey challenges us to talk about what we can do differently to help our fellow men, women, and children. As you visit and dine with family and friends this holiday, ask each other these questions:

– What is our responsibility to do more to help others who are food-insecure?
– What opportunities do we have to help assure that the less-fortunate have sufficient food?
– As the December holidays approach, could we set aside a portion of the money designated for gifts to be contributed to a common “family and friends” cause – one that will help provide food and other basic necessities for the less fortunate in our community?
– Can we pledge to do this every year – widening our circle of participating family members and friends?

Read more here.

Thanksgiving is more than the festivities, it gives us time to ponder upon what lessons we have learned and how we can spread happiness around, to look back at all the great memories and good people who came into our lives. Happy Thanksgiving Day to you and your loved ones!