What does erotic recovery after infidelity look like?
Friday, June 4, 2010 at 9:04PM If my partner has had an affair how do I forgive them? And should I?
This is what I heard from a woman who came to me visibly shaken by her partner's infidelity, after 20 years of solid marriage. She couldnt believe that he had cheated, they had four kids, a healthy salary between them, a nice house, and a very satisfying and energetic sex life.
"I never turned him down for sex, I kept my body tight and in shape - what else did he want from me? And now that he cheated, I dont want to leave him. I love him still, and I want to stay. But I cant get over it. He said he's sorry. He wants to stay too. Is it possible, really?"
I understand her confusion. And since she just found out, she shouldnt make any decisions yet. In the first few months after finding out about an affair, you are not really prepared to decide whether or not you want to stay. Give it some time. Go to therapy. Wait until you want to sleep together again. Then you will have a clearer idea of what will happen going forward.
For now, take care of yourself. Trust your judgment. Dont lie to yourself or to him. Be gentle with yourself. And promise to be transparent with each other. And finally, if you feel like having sex with your husband, go fo it.
Thats one thing that no one talks about after an affair. Sex with the person who cheated on you. Its normal, and fine. And can be very healthy for both of you. And if you dont want to have sex with him yet, or ever, thats ok too. But talk to me in about a month, and we will discuss the next phase of your erotic recovery.
Meanwhile, take good care.
Dr Tammy Nelson
Reader Comments (1)
I think it can be a hard one this maybe you can forgive one mistake I think I could but won't point that out to my husband. I think men have very huge desires but so do us women I always manage to stop myself so I think they should give you the same respect too cause come on who hasn't been tempted really. If you find it hard to sleep with him at the moment I use a special toy to get me through those unsatisfactory nights, but sex when you have fallen out I think can be very erotic but they feel you have forgiven them in a way. I sound like I am contradicting myself a bit here but it would be a very confusing emotion.