Getting the Sex you Want

Feb

13

The cultural taboo of self-pleasure continues for men and women

I came across this interesting article from The Daily Campus (Independent News Source of the University of Connecticut) Sex and the University: The great self-pleasure divide. It’s sad to think that our society continues to ignore and avoid discussion of masturbation practices. Men and boys continue to face debilitating stigmas (hairy palms, infertility, blindness) and women are still uncomfortable admitting vaginas and masturbation even exist. I look forward to the day when everyone can openly discuss their sexual health and sexual pleasure as part of overall wellness and happiness rather than compartmentalized behind closed doors.

Feb

10

Visualize Your Perfect Valentines Day

My latest blog over on YourTango is devoted to making your Valentine’s Day a perfect celebration of your love.

This year, instead of falling into the trap of the same old Valentine’s Day rut, create your perfect vision of your own ideal Valentine’s Day. Creating a “Vision” means taking the time to perfect what the ideal Valentine’s Day means for each of you, both for you and your sweetheart. Creating a vision is different than making a plan. In order to have an ideal date with your Valentine, you have to first envision what would make the day ideal for both of you.

When is the most important part of the day for you? Do you like to stay in bed in the morning and snuggle? Do you want to wish your partner a Happy Valentine’s Day before you even brush your teeth? Or is the nighttime the biggest part of your fantasy for Valentine’s Day? Is dancing under the moon the most romantic part of the day for you? Does an afternoon picnic sound like the most fun part of your day and something you always wanted to try?

Read the whole article at YourTango.com

Feb

06

Can u create desire on purpose? FREE online Art of Love Series has the answer.

This isn’t your parent’s romance! Just “falling in love” isn’t enough to sustain a satisfying & healthy relationship. I’m excited to announce a FREE online event for couples & singles designed to impart the latest wisdom around relationship-building tools called “The Art of Love Relationship Series.” Host Arielle Ford will interview over 50 experts like John Gray, Harville Hendrix, Marianne Williamson, Jack Canfield and myself, Tammy Nelson! It happens for 10 transformational days (February 12 – 21). Register here!

Jan

21

Margie Nichols talks BDSM on “Our America with Lisa Ling”

From her blog post on the experience:

Last Fall, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Ms. Ling, whose critically acclaimed show begins its fourth season on the Oprah Winfrey Network. She’s tackling the topic of BDSM and felt she needed an ‘expert’ – a sex therapist knowledgeable about the kink community- to help explain some things to the viewing public.

…it MAY be hard for many viewers to see some of what is shown as anything but crazy, self-destructive behavior. It’s too far outside of their own experience for anyone to ‘bridge’ with their personal knowledge…

But mainstream people can’t really relate to anyone who is THAT different from them. Fortunately, now that I’ve seen the trailer, I feel pretty sure that some of the kinksters interviewed will look ‘familiar’ to viewers – like the people next door. That’s a good thing.

Check out the first five minutes of the episode here, or catch the full premiere of Our America with Lisa Ling on Tuesday, January 22nd at 10/9c, on OWN.

Jan

02

What Gay Marriage Can Teach us About Sex

I had a friend recently ask me if I’d seen the movie with Meryl Streep called “Hope Springs.”  Meryl and her husband, played by Tommy Lee Jones, are in dire need of couples counseling and they go to love guru, Steve Carell. I haven’t seen the movie, to be totally honest. You’d think I would have: I’m a couple’s therapist, and a sexologist.  I also lead Intensives for couples; apparently very similar to the one Steve Carell led for Meryl and Tommy in this movie. A lot of my friends said they liked the movie, they said that it was heartwarming and sweet. And that they could relate.

My friend was confused. My friend is a guy, and he’s gay. He said to me, ”Ok, presumably the movie is ‘a funny and insightful look’ into the lives of two people trying to regain their romantic footing after 31 years of marriage, right?” Because I haven’t seen the movie, I admit I don’t know if it’s funny and insightful. But he is really asking me because I am a sex expert. He wants my expert opinion.

“Is this how straight couples really act? Is this movie suggesting that holding each other should elicit gales of laughter from the audience?  Is this supposed to be funny?”

In my latest YourTango article, read more about what gay marriage can teach us about sex in long-term relationships.

Dec

31

New Year, New Resolution: Better Sex for Better Health

Need a fun, pleasurable reason to stick to your New Year’s resolution to get active and live healthier? How about – having lots of satisfying sex! It’s good for both your heart and your mind. Having sex regularly (at least 3 times a week) boosts both your heart health and your mental health. It turns out that morning sex is actually the most beneficial, increasing energy and strengthening the immune system throughout the day. Start your New Year off right with a sexy wake-up call on New Years day, and every morning in 2013. Try a copy of my book Getting the Sex You Want, now re-released in paperback, for some easy tricks on how to spice things up…

Dec

26

Book Recommendation: Anxious in Love by Carolyn Daitch, PhD and Lissah Lorberbaum

Written by two experts on anxiety disorders, Anxious in Love offers easy-to-use techniques for calming anxieties and strengthening communication in your relationship. With this book, you will learn to stay centered when faced with conflict, understand your partner’s perspective, and become more independent. By changing the way you react to triggers and stress, you will be able to focus on enjoying time with the one you love, without anxiety getting in the way.

Anxious in Love: How to Manage Your Anxiety, Reduce Conflict, and Reconnect with Your Partner is now available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Dec

14

Ivey League University officially supports kink group on campus

Harvard has approved a student-run group devoted to kink. Social events where kinky people can socialize and learn new skills through discussion are commonly called munches. Students at Harvard have started a regular munch group and now their events will be supported by the university. From CNN’s story:

“Formal recognition allows the group to receive grants, post campus notices, and use campus meeting spaces, according to a profile of the group in the school newspaper, The Harvard Crimson.”

This will be a great resource for young people exploring their sexuality to find knowledge, safety, and peer support. Read CNN’s full story on the new group. 

Dec

09

Recommended Book: Great Sex Made Simple from Tantra Experts Johnson and Michaels

Looking for a great book on Tantra for the holidays? I am always happy to recommend a book I think is really a genuine guide to intimacy and great erotic connection.

Following the success of their recent book, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, Tantra experts Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson return

GREAT SEX MADE SIMPLE: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy & Heighten Pleasure (Llewellyn, December 2012) by Tantra experts and devoted married couple, Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels provides lots of fun and easy tips to improve and intensify your sex life and create more intimacy in the bedroom.

“Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels have written a compassionate and accessible guide to an often mysterious but valuable tradition, and made it relevant for today’s readers who want to find more connection, spirituality and care in their lives and love.” -Naomi Wolf, author of Vagina: A New Biography and The Beauty Myth

Using fifty-four techniques for enhancing intimacy and deepening pleasure, Great Sex Made Simple explores new and surprising sources of sensual delight, without requiring the reader to first learn the entire ancient history of Tantra, or demanding that they spend many hours in study and self-exploration. Breaking the book into short, succinct chapters, the authors make Tantra accessible, easy, and fun. “We live in a fast paced world,” write Michaels and Johnson, “and time is precious.” Along with fundamental principles of Tantric sex, Michaels and Johnson describe amazing ways to prolong arousal, reach higher states of consciousness, physically and spiritually satisfy a partner, and maximize sexual bliss.

“Great Sex Made Simple will not only guide you toward great sex, but the book itself is like great sex: seductive, sweet, satisfying, sublime, and ultimately-sensational.” -Barbara Carellas, author of Urban Tantra, and the foreword to Great Sex Made Simple

If you order the book now, you may find that there are some exciting BONUS offers for the holiday season! 

Dec

05

Special offer for my blog readers

I sent a special offer out to my email subscribers and I’d like to offer my blog readers the same deal -
Sign up for any of my upcoming teleclasses by December 10th and you’ll get a special bonus: an End Your Affair with Integrity FIVE page tBook (therapy booklet) to help you help you or your clients end an affair.
When you or are ready to let go, do it in a mature way.  This tBook has easy to follow, clearly laid out steps to end a relationship. Feel empowered when you know that there is a clear way to move on, and  to recover.  Ending an affair isn’t always easy. If you are ready to let go, End Your Affair with Integrity can help you do it in a healthy and caring way, for everyone involved.  No where else is this information available, for therapists or anyone looking to deal with these sensitive issues.
You will also receive a Divorcing with Dignity FIVE page tBook with a built in questionnaire that can help couples move through the very difficult ending that many marriages suffer from.
Not all couples make it to a happy ending at the end of therapy. Divorcing with Dignity includes respectful and caring directives for anyone looking to end a marriage with dignity, integrity and respect.  It contains dialogues designed to help couples show their appreciation, caring and support as they each move into a new future, with acknowledgement for the very important past that they have shared.
Sign up for two or more teleclasses, you will also receive Starting Over, a FIVE page tBook (therapy booklet) that can help anyone starting a new relationship, either for the first time or for those renewing a relationship  with their spouse.
Help couples in second marriages create a new vision for their shared future, and honor those in their first marriage start a whole new committed partnership, together, beginning again.  Starting Over can help anyone in a New Year, a new monogamy or even in a new love relationship.
Special Holiday Offer: If you register for “Create Your New Monogamy” before December 25, you will also receive a FREE personal consultation with Dr. Tammy Nelson, designed to improve your relationship based on your specific relationship style, wants and needs!