Infidelity & Affairs

May

12

Things you should never say to a friend who’s been cheated on

Originally posted to HuffingtonPost on 5/4/13

Your friend calls you in the middle of the night, crying. She sniffles and barely manages to say, “He did it again. He cheated!” You hold your breath because you aren’t sure what to say. You want to say the right thing. However, what comes out may be the the worst thing you can say.

Right now, your friend or loved one is in a crisis. They just found out that their partner cheated. Sure, there are things they want to hear. And you want to say them, because you want to comfort your friend. And you want to let your friend know that you are there for him or her in their misery. But trust me, if you say the wrong thing now, it could come back to bite you later on. And some things you say could be even worse — you could lose your friendship forever.

Do you want to really help them? Here are the things you should never say to a friend who’s been cheated on.

May

06

Can a certain hormone cause people to cheat?

Could oxytocin be the key to infidelity? Oxytocin helps people build trust and form strong emotional bonds. A new study has shown that men who receive higher levels of oxytocin keep their distance from attractive women, theoretically reducing the likelihood that they will have an affair. What do you think – will we be able to blame our biochemistry for our infidelity someday?

Read the article and watch the video on HuffingtonPost

May

05

Affairs are a hot topic!

I’ve got two, yes TWO, articles on the home page of YourTango.com!

In the One Thing That Will Save Your Relationship After an Affair find out what one thing you can do to not only save your marriage but improve the health of any relationship. Learn the secret to creating a more loving, connected and fulfilling relationship today.

In How to Have an Affair… In Your Relationship I share three sexy ways to cheat on your partner, with your partner (yes it’s possible!). Cheating is all about the forbidden – creating illicit, exciting spontaneity – why not create some of that same excitement with someone you love and trust without the hurt and betrayal of a real affair?

May

04

On the radio – Relationships 2.0 with Dr. Michelle Skeen

Curious about open relationships? Want to know about saving your marriage after an affair? Are the two things exclusive? This week I was a guest on Dr. Michelle Skeen’s radio show Relationships 2.0 on KCAA radio. The episode is now available as a podcast on her website.

Listen now to this lively discussion with a great host, and me as the guest, talking about my new book The New Monogamy.

May

03

Healing from heartbreak

Did you know that the pain of a broken heart can actually be felt physically, in your body? The good news is, you can heal through your body as well. It’s tough to heal from a heartbreak, particularly because it effects all the parts of you; emotionally, spiritually, and physically. But you can move through a broken heart. Whiting says, “The process of going from hole to whole can actually begin with the body.”

If it feels like there’s a hole in your heart, your soul, check out Cristin Whiting’s article Power, Flexibility & Balance: Lessons from the Body to Heal the Heart

Apr

27

Open marriage vs cheating

Apparently there’s rumors that Will Smith and his beautiful wife Jada Pinkett Smith might have an open marriage – or they’re on the verge of divorce. Unfortunately, there’s more negative emphasis on the open marriage idea in our culture. Vicki Larson says it best in her article on the subject: “Why is the idea of an open relationship so threatening, especially when it’s clear that many are having nonmonogamous relationships anyway while pretending they’re monogamous?” Read the rest of her article and decide if it reflects your own beliefs.

Check out Vicki Larson’s article on Huffington Post

Apr

23

Why Men Cheat: Escort-Turned-Relationship Counselor Talks Reasons For Infidelity

Posted on HuffingtonPost.com:

While working as a high-class escort for nine years, Rebecca Dakin saw hundreds of married men turn to her to fulfill sexual needs not being met by their wives.

In 2009, she switched gears professionally and became what she calls an “infidelity counselor,” using her experience as a call girl to teach women about how to satisfy their husbands.

“I’ve spent years hearing men tell me why their relationships failed and why they slept with escorts or other women,” the 37-year-old Brit told The Sun. “I know better than anyone just what it is that women do that drives men away.”

Dakin says that the number one reason men look outside of their relationships for sex is because they’re not getting enough of it at home.

I expect her opinion and this article will spark some outrage in some of you – do you agree with her opinion about why men cheat? Write to me at tammy@tammynelson.org and tell me why YOU think men cheat.

Read more of Dakin’s insight and advice in this article on HuffingtonPost.com

Apr

21

Should you confront a cheating spouse?

The Huffington Post recently asked for my opinion on a very difficult topic – should a dying woman confront her husband about his affair or let him grieve in peace?

She knows about his affair but isnt sure she should confront him. Should she tell her family that she knows and even understands? To read my advice, to to the whole article at the HuffingtonPost.com, but here’s a quote from me; a small part of what I told this very sensitive and courageous woman:

“Don’t let yourself rewrite the history of your marriage because of his indiscretion. People do things when they are grieving and frightened that they might not do under normal circumstances.”

Slate’s ‘Dear Prudence’ Tackles Tough Question On Infidelity”

The full article is available on HuffingtonPost.com

Apr

14

The Six Steps Of Recovery After An Affair

Excerpted from The New Monogamy: Redefining Your relationship After Infidelity

Does infidelity always have to mean the end of the relationship? Affairs can be painful and shocking, and can often cause untold damage. However, for some couples, an affair may also be a path to strength and to a renewed and even stronger relationship.

Here are six steps that will help you move through the aftershocks of an affair so that you can recover your equilibrium as a couple.

Read the full excerpt on HuffingtonPost.com

Apr

12

The One Thing You can do to Heal Your Relationship After Affair

You may have noticed that not feeling appreciated was a big issue for both of you before or during the affair. This is common and particularly bothersome to many couples. Our culture encourages boys from a young age to focus on their actions, what they do. When we meet a man for the first time, one of the first things we say is “Hello, nice to meet you; what do you do?” which sounds as if we are more interested in a man’s accomplishments than who he is. Raised to focus on how they do in sports, business, career, and finance, men take very personally their partners’ criticism that they aren’t doing something well or right. Appreciation means being recognized for being successful not only in their lives but also in their roles in the world.
For more information on creating your new monogamy and a new relationship together go to The New Monogamy