Infidelity & Affairs

Apr

10

Cheating Wife? 71 Percent Of Men Still In Love After Spouse Cheats: Survey

An online survey’s results has suggested that men are more forgiving and willing to try again after their wife has had an affair. Would you stay in a relationship if your partner had cheated on you?
Apr

08

What Is the New Monogamy?

The new monogamy is a new way of looking at marriage and committed relationships. Most of us have followed a path to commitment that was provided for us by our culture and upbringing. We were taught what a committed relationship should look like, and we assumed that this was the only way to have a real partnership.
You may have had a vision since you were young of getting married. You fantasized about being with a certain type of person, committing to that person in a certain way, and having all of the trappings and ceremony of that explicit monogamy commitment. You may have dreamed of the perfect wedding dress or the most romantic vows. Perhaps you wanted to marry in the church or synagogue you grew up in because it had meaning for you, your family, or your community. You took vows that were based on promises that you were told were your religious beliefs and globally shared values.
Apr

07

Erotic Recovery after Infidelity – Creating a New Monogamy

Announcing a new opportunity to learn with me, LIVE in Washington DC.
Erotic Recovery after Infidelity – Creating a New Monogamy
What are the newest forms of therapy for treating affairs? What doesn’t work? Why are some forms of affair treatment outdated and even contraindicated? How can sex therapy help couples after the trauma of infidelity?
Using theoretical models that work, this seminar will introduce research and interventions to help couples recover from affairs. Using case examples to illustrate how trauma and breaches of monogamy affect sexuality participants will learn how to help couples restore (or create) erotic energy after an affair.
The AASECT Forum will take place on Saturday, May 4th, at Whitman Walker Clinic in Washington, DC.
$30.00 tax deductable donation to AASECT.
Saturday, May 4th 1st, 12:00 – 4:00 pm
Noon to 1:00pm – Potluck brunch, socializing and networking
1:00 to 4:00pm – Presentation (3 AASECT CE Credits)
Apr

05

Why Did The Affair Happen?

Excerpted from The New Monogamy; Redefining Your relationship After Infidelity
Often, when we discover that a partner has been cheating, the first question is an anguished “Why?” This often-unanswerable question is what drives us to ruminate on what happened, and we may force our partners to talk about the details over and over again, hoping to find the answers we are searching for.
One of the first things you will need to do to heal from an affair is to explore this question of why it happened and to be open to hearing the real, honest truth. Most people want to blame the cheating partner. And the cheating partner does have to take responsibility for pursuing the outside relationship. But no affair happens in a vacuum.
Apr

01

Three Reasons Women Cheat

A new article recently went up on my YourTango blog:

There are three common experiences for women who have had affairs, and although these are not excused let’s face it; cheating is not just a man’s game.

Studies say that up to 45% of women and 55% of men will cheat at some point in their marriage. That means that about half of everyone will have an outside relationship with someone while they are committed to someone else. And these statistics show clearly that it’s not just the guys who are doing it.

There are three common experiences for women who have had affairs, and although these are not excuses for cheating, they may explain why some women step out and others stay home.

Read the full article over on YourTango

Mar

31

Can I Get Over An Affair? The Three Phases Of Recovery

Originally posted on HuffingtonPost

Excerpted from The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity

The immediate response after discovering a spouse’s affair is commonly disbelief, anger, sadness, loss or grief. It can take several years before the betrayed spouse is ready to even consider forgiveness, even if the partner who cheated begs for it. And through the cheating partner may immediately feel remorse and repeat “I’m sorry” over and over again, that apology may not get past the betray’ed partner’s outer layer of hurt.

However, it is possible to move on and rebuild after infidelity. I have identified three distinct phases of recovery from an affair: the crisis phase, the understanding (or insight) phase, and the vision phase.

Read the full excerpt

For more information, click here.

Mar

29

Announcing new Web Conference for GoodTherapy.org

I’m excited to announce that I’ll be presenting a web conference for GoodTherapy.org - an industry leader in continuing education opportunities for psychologists. Mark your calendars for Couples in Recovery after Infidelity: Creating a New Monogamy on September 6th, 2013 at 9:00am Pacific.
This event will be FREE for members, including 1.5 CE credits.  Any therapists who want to join GoodTherapy.org can get a special offer when they listen to my podcast.  Contact Goodtherapy.org and sign up today.
What is the most effective form of therapy for treating affairs? What doesn’t work? Why are some forms of affair treatment outdated and even contraindicated? How can couples therapy help couples if done effectively? Can couples really survive the trauma of infidelity? Using a theoretical model that works, this seminar will introduce a step by step intervention to help couples recover from infidelity, with a purposeful process that gives couples hope for a future that is more than just survival after betrayal, but can create a whole new partnership, in many cases stronger and more intimate than ever before.
Using case examples to illustrate how breaches of monogamy affect sexuality and intimacy participants will learn how to help couples restore (or create) erotic energy after an affair, increase empathy and understanding instead of focusing on forgiveness as the goal, and ways to create a new vision of a new, stronger monogamy going forward.
This web conference is designed to help clinicians:
1) Define infidelity and how it affects a marriage or committed partnership;
2) Identify what does not work in infidelity treatment and how psychotherapy can retraumatize clients;
3) Discover ways to help couples negotiate monogamy after infidelity and how to create a new monogamy agreement;
4) Identify how sexual empathy heals and will discover whether or not forgiveness is necessary for recovery.
If you have any questions about this web conference, or would like more information, see the event page on goodtherapy.org
Mar

24

The New Monogamy featured on The Kathryn Zox Show

I had the esteemed privilege of being a featured guest on The Kathryn Zox Show, a popular VoiceAmerica radio show on Wednesday, March 20th. The archived recording is now available on the VoiceAmerica site. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to reach couples struggling with healing after infidelity.

The official show summary:

Kathryn interviews sexuality expert and psychotherapist Tammy Nelson PhD on her book “The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity”. Nelson helps to explain why some people choose to stay together even after infidelity, and offers practical guidance, checklists, and even questionnaires to help committed couples renew their relationship. Nelson is the founder and Director of the Center for Healing and leads couples workshops around the country. Kathryn also interviews internationally recognized psychologist Patricia O’Gorman PhD on her book “The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power”. O’Gorman takes a deeper look at how societal messages tell women what they can and cannot do and offers self-assessments that any woman can use to identify her strengths, weaknesses, and resilience style. O’Gorman has appeared on Good Morning America and has authored several articles in Addiction Today, Counselor, and Recovery magazines.
Listen to The Kathryn Zox Show
Click the link to listen to the show, download the MP3, listen through iTunes, or listen on the VoiceAmerica free phone app!

Mar

20

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Just because they cheat once does it mean the relationship is over or they’ll cheat again?
You had some big plans. You did. You wanted a romantic relationship, the kind that lasts forever. And yours was supposed to be special. Sure, lots of people cheat, but not your partner.
And at first your relationship seemed perfect. There were flowers, chocolate, cards on Valentine’s day. After months of wine and candles and sexy lingerie the erotic steam dwindled. Sex was down to once a week, and not necessarily in the way you always dreamed. But that was to be expected. Everyone says that, the longer you’re together, the less sex you have.
But, in the end you got what lots of your friends got. They had an affair.
But you have a plan. As soon as he leaves for work you sign up for a website that gives you advice on how to end a relationship after an affair. That’s great and could be an important thing to do. But it could be only one option. What if it’s not what either of you wants to do?
Mar

16

How Can I Keep My Partner From Cheating?

Preventing infidelity may be as simple as – and this seems obvious – telling the truth. Peggy Vaughn, author of the Myth of Monogamy, says honesty is the key. If you are like most people you may find the idea daunting at best. And yet it is easier to be honest with your partner if you have agreed that this is the “rule” for your relationship. Communication about honest attraction or feeling for another should be viewed as normal and not threatening unless it is kept under wraps. It is only then that the fantasy becomes something larger than life, and may lead to sneaky behaviors and hiding it. This is what leads to cheating, she says, not the every day thoughts of another.