Dr. Tammy Nelson

Although human beings and dolphins are said to be the only mammals that engage in sexual intercourse for fun, one wonders how this came to be. Procreational sexual intercourse does not have to consist of desire or excessive arousal, more than necessary to accomplish 'the task'. Obtaining sexual pleasure from our bodies, with or without a partner, is a learned behavior. Children explore their bodies throughout childhood and often begin masturbating at a young age. Humans are hard wired for touch and the right kind of touch can feel very good. In my opinion, the developmental task of discovering what feels good is often times not supported in a healthy way (e.g., supportive care givers, adequate education). Even when one discovers what 'feels good', 'arousing', and 'pleasurable' there are many religious, familial, and societal norms and expectations that may hinder further exploration and the sharing of these pleasures with one's chosen partner. I think sexuality education should begin in the home in early childhood, age appopriate of course, and without bias. Creating a safe environment for children to ask questions about their bodies, its reactions, and sex in general can lead them to feel less inhibited (and less messed up) about their body and their sexual identity. At least in the United States, I think a healthy open dialogue regarding sexuality and sex education is sadly lacking.

One would think that something as rudemetary as sex would be like riding a bike. However, one must take into consideration what kind of bike it is; helmet or not; how many gears; type of seat, handlebars, and tires; stamina of the rider; terrain; and so on. The same goes for the human body. One must know his/her parts, how they work, what the function is, and what does/does not feel good. He/she must understand the basic mechanics of their partner's physical body, as well as their partner's individual differences. What does he/she find pleasurable (e.g., type of touch, pressure, for how long, etc.) I think before someone can ask another to bring them pleasure, they have to know how to bring themselves pleasure first. Sure, I could learn how to drive a semi-truck if I've driven a car....it certainly would be a much smoother transition with direction from someone who has driven it before.

In a partnership sexual encounter one must be willing and able to communicate his/her wants, wishes, and desires. Direct traffic...hopefully the interested, skilled lover will take direction well and remember the map.