Tammy Nelson's Discussion Boards > What if you just don't want it?
Dear Amanda - It makes total sense you would feel angry and resentful - sounds like you have been giving a lot - with two young children, all of your energy is probably going to take care of others, and a husband wanting sex can feel like just someone else you have to take care of.
I wonder what sex means to you? Does it mean intimacy, contact, physical comfort? My guess is you might want to feel intimate before you can feel sexual, and that your husband feels intimate after being sexual. His desire to be connected to you may have more to do with his emotional needs than just his desire for pleasure. I am guessing he wants to feel close to you. And that it might feel hard to have sex with him if you dont feel close to him before you get into bed.
With a two year old I am sure you feel like you are pouring from an empty pitcher. Is there a way your husband can help you fill it up? Can you ask him to rub your back, your shoulders? Can he run you a hot, steamy bath? Can he be sensual with you without being overtly sexual?
And if he wants sexual release can he do that while you watch? Would that satisfy you both temporarily or would you feel resentful and turned off?
I know several people have been trying to get onto this discussion board to reply to your post,and have been having technical difficulties. I wanted to respond directly to you - if you want to contact me via email, please feel free -- tammy@passionatepartnerships.com
Warmly,
Tammy
Tammy Nelson
Thank you for your reply Tammy. I think there must've also been some difficulties posting your response because I checked here a few days ago and it said there had been no replies.
I will email you directly, thank you.
Amanda
Amanda Philip
I am new to this website, and Tammy's book was recently recommended to my husband by a psychiatrist (who incidentally also uses Imago therapy).
We have been married for 12 years, and we are now at a point where he wants sex all the time (that's what it feels like anyway) and I am just wishing it would go away. I stay home with our two kids (6 & 2) and feel like he is just one more person who wants something from me.
I don't have a copy of the book yet, and I'll be honest and say that when I found out it had been suggested reading for us, I was quite upset. I feel like sex is all for him and nothing for me, and this was just one more way for him to get what he wants.
I'm re-reading my post as I go, and I can't help but hear the anger in my words. My frustration, resentment, and total lack of interest.
I don't know if this is an appropriate post for this site, but I thought I'd try to see what advice others might have. I really feel that I just don't want it at all and right now, that's totally fine with me.
Thanks for your help.