Getting the Sex you Want

Pay Attention to the importance of a healthy sex life

It’s Spring here in the Northeast – finally! Are you ready to break out of your Winter doldrums?

My personal affirmation for this exciting time of the year is “pay attention!” So much is happening so fast. From the hummingbird that hovered above my geranium on my back deck for a quick second, to my children who are growing up so fast, to the opportunities I can create in my life, I need to pay attention in a new way, a closer way.

Do you feel like an area of your life could use a bit more attention? Perhaps your sex life has taken a turn towards mundane? Sex plays an important role in your overall health and well being, so it should not be ignored. I explored how to break out of a sex rut with some of my colleagues in a recent YourTango video: The Best Way To Break Out Of Your Rut In The Bedroom.

I recently weighed in on the importance of a healthy sex life in a MedicalDaily article by Lizette Borreli: Use It Or Lose It: How Age, Hormones, And Masturbation Predict Sexual Health. The more sex you have, the more you want. Not sure how to up your game? E-mail me for an Individual or Couples Intensive session; I have two spots left this summer and can send you more information.

The bottom line is…get busy everyone and pay attention to what makes you and your partner happy. If you need guidance or support, I am here to help.

The Modern Family: Platonic Parenting

Family against dark sunsetLast year, following Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s announcement of their separation, I penned an article for HuffingtonPost about Conscious Uncoupling. The topic was hot in the media and with relationship experts for a few months until something new came along. Intentional or conscious uncoupling is a wonderful approach for couples looking to separate their lives after a period of companionship while still considering the well-being of all involved.

Some families have been trying a different approach for many years: platonic parenting.

Many couples seek couples therapy trying to reawaken the loving, sexual connection they once shared. For a few, they may be trying to discover a new way of relating to each other with love after years of struggling with sexual incompatibilities. They may remain happy as companions and desire to remain happily married, caring for their children while letting go of the sexual and romantic connection between them.

Newly platonic parents need to negotiate their new monogamy agreement to include housing and financial arrangements, how each person will get their sexual needs met, and how much will the kids know about their relationships.

Six phases of sexual intimacy

We meet in the grocery store, at a sporting event, or online then fall in lust, then fall in love. Next comes the engagement, wedding, and babies. Finally we end with an empty nest and aging bodies. Throughout a life time, relationships change dramatically, including our sex life. For most couples, sex becomes more intimate with time. I contributed to an informative article on Zoosk.com about the six phases relationships move through. I shared my advice for couples wanting to maintain a loving, intimate marriage through the ages.

Why Sex Changes Over Time in a Relationship

What phase is your relationship in?

Show your wife some appreciation on Mother’s Day

Tomorrow, when you’re showing your appreciation for the woman who raised you, be sure to remember a special moment for your wife.

Being a Mom is a full time job. One day a year a homemade card and pancakes in bed is not too much to ask for. A massage, a manicure, some attention, that’s usually what mothers want. Brunch, some shopping, or just some acknowledgement that the major sacrifices that they have made, every day of their lives since the moment of conception, is recognized and appreciated.

If Mom doesn’t feel appreciated, the resentment can erode the foundation of the entire marriage. Let’s face it, Mom wants acknowledgement on Mother’s Day not only from the kids but from the father of her children. If she doesn’t feel appreciated for the work she has done, the physical exhaustion and the emotional depletion that comes with mothering, she may turn outward for emotional renewal.

The biggest day of the year for female sign ups to AshleyMadison.com, the website for married people looking to cheat, is the day after Mother’s Day. In fact, in 2012 there was a 400 percent increase in female sign ups on the Monday after Mother’s Day. Noel Biderman, the CEO of Ashley Madison, says that Mother’s Day leads women to “magnify the flaws” of their husbands, and “leads to questions” about their relationships. This then leads them to think about “doing something different.”

Don’t let your wife feel disappointed this Mother’s Day. For some tips on how to make her feel appreciated, check out this blog I wrote for HuffingtonPost: Don’t Let Your Wife Cheat on the Day After Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day to my Wife

Celebrate National Masturbation Month by switching it up

May is National Masturbation MonthIn honor of May, National Masturbation Month, and International Masturbation Day today, I’d like to challenge you all to explore all the possible ways of experiencing orgasm. For this month, put down your usual stand-by routine and try something a little slower, gentler, or maybe faster, stronger. Spend a little time harnessing your sexual energy and bring yourself to climax without even touching your genitals!

Need some ideas? Annie Sprinkle, porn star and sexologist, has some great ideas in her blog Seven Types of Orgasm – or – Annie Sprinkle’s Models of Orgasm

VIDEO: Break Out Of Your Rut In The Bedroom

It’s a well known fact that every relationship has its ups and downs. And sometimes, those peaks and valleys are in the bedroom.

If you’re like most people, in the beginning you never had any complaints about your sex life. When it came to intimacy, you and your partner connected physically, emotionally and mentally. But somehow, things took a shift in the bedroom department. One day, when you weren’t looking, the novelty wore off.

Now, sex has gone from being a way to express your love for your partner to a boring routine. Instead of it bringing you closer together, the guilt you feel starts pushing you further apart.

But how can you revitalize your sex life if you don’t know why you lost those sparks in the first place?

As a host for YourTango, I asked fellow relationship and sex therapists why couples’ sex drives take a steady downward dive. Imago Institute’s Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Tony Victor LCPC, Sue Butler LMFT and Certified Sex Therapist Kimberly Anderson weigh in on why your sex drive is lagging. They also offer foolproof tips on how you can nurse your sex life back to health.

Read More»

No time for weekly therapy? A Couples Intensive may be the answer

Create a deeper love based on more sexual intimacy and better communication during a Couples Intensive with Tammy Nelson.

When the Universe says to us, “OK… let’s try this again, only this time you’re going to go through something even more intense… perhaps this time, you’ll get it.” Take the challenge and travel that Path… you never know what you might find.

Similar to a couple’s workshop, Intensives are private sessions for just the two of you with an expert couple’s psychotherapist. Come for one day, two days, or for a weekend and experience an in-depth intervention… one that will last a lifetime.

Working privately in my office, you will experience the same benefits of a weekend couples’ workshop, but with more direct focus on your personal issues. An Intensive can create dramatic and long lasting shifts in your relationship.

We can focus on special issues and conflicts in an Intensive such as:

  • Communication and Conflict Repair
  • Intimacy and Connection
  • Affair Recovery
  • Infidelity Disclosure
  • Re-Sexualizing Relationships
  • Sexual Addiction or Compulsion
  • Open Marriage or Polyamory Issues
  • Trauma and PTSD Recovery
  • Addiction and Eating disorder issues
  • Separation and Divorce coaching
  • Feelings of boredom, maintenance sex
  • Betrayal, frustration
  • Feeling out of love

I am currently booking couples intensives for June 2015 and beyond. If you’re ready to explore an exciting and effective way of creating intentional intimacy and connection in your relationship, contact me directly for more information and for rates.

Or book now and make a ($200) deposit for an Intensive session now.

Slipping into a sexual slump?

Are you finding yourself feigning a headache to get out of having sex with your lover? Has the honeymoon phase disappeared long ago? I have good news for you: you aren’t doomed to be stuck a sexless marriage.

I love this article from RedBook Magazine: Bounce Back From a Sex Slump – it has lots of great advice for turning the tides on a slipping sex life.

If you’re ready to discover ways to add more desire into your life, create arousal and heal sexual dysfunction, join me. During a special new tele seminar series, I will explore the role of fantasy and how to tell what your partner likes. We will examine your erotic template as a means for bringing light S&M techniques into your sex life. We will discuss what to do after an affair to bring your relationship back to life.

Sign up for Sexual Repair: Three Ways to Heal and Grow Your Erotic Self to find out three ways to bring more excitement into your sex life and repair sexual dysfunctional patterns that lead to boredom, shutdown and even dysfunction like premature ejaculation, orgasmic delay and lack of orgasm in women.

Aphrodisiac Foods that Really Work

girl eating a strawberryDid you know The Aztecs named avocados after testicles?

Many foods are known to be aphrodisiacs or great for fun sexy times (whipped cream or chocolate covered strawberries anyone?). But how do they work?

I recently contributed to an article for AskMen.com about 8 aphrodisiac foods that you might not have suspected!

Check the article and associated video here: Do Aphrodisiac Foods Work?

Entrepreneurs Have Better Sex

As the economy and job market struggles in the past 7 years, there’s been an increase in entrepreneurs and small businesses trying to find their slice of the financial pie. But the benefits of owning your own small business far exceed the income generated. We entrepreneurs love the flexible schedule, being able to do what we love, and not commuting to work. But did you know that entrepreneurs also sleep better and have better sex?

Check it out! Survey Says: Start a Business, It Might Improve Your Sex Life

If you’re ready to pursue your passions and upgrade your life, download the 3-part teleclass series that I recently completed with three of my fellow successful entrepreneurs: Grow Your Small Business and Be a Successful Entrepreneur