In this month’s SHAPE magazine, see Dr Tammy Nelson’s expert advice on not being as interested in sex as your boyfriend, being a virgin at 30 years old, how to have really exciting oral sex and what to do if you’ve never had an orgasm.
While this advice is mostly for women, men can benefit too from learning about how their partner things and feels during sex and how they can help.
AM I NORMAL” YOUR TOP 6 SEX QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Chatting about orgasms, lagging libidos, or STDs can be intimidating. So we stepped in and did the asking. Our experts insights may reassure you, surprise you, and even inspire you to turn up the heat on your sessions in the sack.
I’m 30, and I’ve never had sex.
You’re definitely in a small minority: According to the National Survey of Family Growth, only one in 53 women ages 30 to 34 is still a virgin. “But there’s nothing wrong with waiting, especially if you’re abstaining for religious reasons or until you find the right person,” says Tammy Nelson, author of Getting the Sex You Want. If you would like to be sexually active and aren’t, however, that’s a different story. “As women get older, many begin to panic and feel out of step with their peers if they haven’t done the deed yet,” says Nelson. “If you feel anxious about your situation, consider seeing a therapist to find out what might be holding you back. It could be fear of intimacy, low self-esteem, or an issue from your childhood.” Working through these roadblocks can help you gain more confidence, along with the pleasure and emotional connection that comes from sex.
3. I’m not as interested in having sex as my boyfriend is.
“It’s normal for one person in a relationship to want sex more than the other at times,” says Nelson. And women’s desire is more emotionally driven than men’s, she adds, “so stress from work or personal issues can take a toll.” That’s one reason why 9 percent of women ages 18 to 44 confess to having a low libido at any given time, say researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital. But if your sex drive has gone missing for months, the cause might be physical. “Many medications, such as antidepressants, birth control pills, and antihistamines, can have sexual side effects,” says Nelson. You may want to switch to another type of drug. If you’re not on an Rx, check your hormone levels, which can be altered by diabetes, hypertension, and other problems; using an estrogen or testosterone cream may help. Once your doctor has identified or ruled out causes, work on raising your drive naturally. Exercising and eating right can help by improving body image and upping your energy—and so can simply going for it. “Sex boosts hormones that promote desire,” says Nelson. “It’s the best aphrodisiac out there.”
Read the whole article in this months SHAPE http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/am-i-normal-your-top-6-sex-questions-answered
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