Does Divorce Always Result in Broken Families?

In this article  journalist Lara Bazelton talks about her new vision of family in the NY Times weekly Modern Love column. After a divorce she and her ex husband were able to find a way to share a meaningful vacation with their children. She points out that just because you choose not to stay in a marriage doesn’t mean that there’s no love left, it means sometimes that the love is different, a new kind of love.  She split up with her partner but stayed in a relationship of a different kind, a new kind, because  it was important to both of them to give their children stability. In order to do that they had to work together. She is honest about the difficulties of her marriage, and about the bitterness she felt during the divorce. But she also sees that the concept of family is changing, and that it was up to her and her former spouse to find a way to continue to have some sense of family for the benefit of everyone involved.

One of the things that speaks to me about Bazelton’s story is how she and her former spouse came together after a difficult divorce to try to find a new type of relationship instead of throwing it all away. When I work with couples I focus on an intentional path to a conscious, healthy divorce. Doing this can create a respect and connection that allows for healthy individuals and families even after divorce.

Family in our culture is no longer a nuclear husband, wife, and 2.5 kids from the TV commercials of the 1950’s. Families now include divorce in 50% of marriages followed by remarriage with step-parents and step-kids in over one third of those divorced families. With marriage equality in all 50 states, we also now have new kinds of families with two moms or two dads. With polyamory rising in popularity, the definition of family expands ever wider to include many forms of multiple parent families. The old traditional model doesn’t always fit the reality we’re living.

This New Monogamy means finding the right relationships, the healthiest dynamic that works for the family and the people you love and have loved, and will love throughout your life.  These are decisions that we should make based on what is best for us and for our children, not based on an outdated cultural standard that no longer works for a good portion of society.

For more on the New Monogamy, go to my website, https://www.drtammynelson.com.