Transgender people have become the talk of the media and the town in recent years, even moreso with Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out with Diane Sawyer’s interview on 20/20. But there have been transgender people as long as there have been people, and they’ve been fighting for acceptance and equality for decades. People like Phyllis Frye have faced violence, vandalism, harassment, discrimination, and abandonment from friends and family.
It was the summer of 1976. As Bruce Jenner, 26, was celebrating his decathlon victory at the Montreal Olympics, Phillip Frye, 28, was admitting defeat in suppressing his gender identity. He, becoming she, had already lost a lot: He had been forced to resign from the military for “sexual deviation.” He had been disowned by his parents, divorced by his first wife and separated from his son. He had been dismissed from several engineering jobs.
Now Phyllis is the first openly transgender judge in the US. By her side for 42 years, through her transition and all the mistreatment from the community, is her wife Trish. Trish is only briefly mentioned a few times in this article in The New York Times detailing Phyllis’s climb to success, but I imagine it must have been quite the ordeal to stand proudly by her wife’s side through all the social isolation and discrimination their family faced.
In an article for HuffingtonPost, ‘I Am Cait’: Loving Someone Who Is Transgender, I interviewed Anna Baxter, gender and relationship counselor and girlfriend to a transgender man who has faced a similarly harsh world in his transition.
I asked Anna what her greatest challenge is being an important person in a transgender person’s life. Anna says:
“He struggles to pay his bills and pay for necessary medical care because he can’t find a job paying a living wage because his name doesn’t match his gender on his driver’s license. He can’t pay for the ‘elective’ surgeries that would bring his physical body into congruence with his gender expression, so he has to face the fear of inappropriate stares and questions everywhere he goes. He struggles with anxiety almost every time he leaves the house because he doesn’t know who or what he’s about to face. Watching my partner try to remain strong in the face of such insurmountable opposition breaks my heart.”
And having a supportive family isn’t a reality for Anna’s partner either. “Even his own home isn’t a safe space because his own father refuses to accept his identity, his name, his gender. He’s been open about his identity as transgender since high school, over eight years ago, and medically transitioning for over three years, but his father obstinately continues to use the incorrect name and pronouns at every exchange.”
Anna said that living in the South, especially, it is difficult to find open-minded professionals who are open-minded and competent. She said the most difficult part is watching her partner go through the “…the intrinsic bias of a medical field, government, and social climate that doesn’t understand or accept transgenderism.”
So while the world is talking about Caitlyn Jenner, with a far more accepting and respectful tone than Phyllis Frye received during her transition, have we really made any strides in the last 40 years?
For anyone struggling with these issues, this advice is for people who may be going through what Cait or Anna and her partner are facing every day. If you know or love someone who is trans, please pass this on.
Find a community of other transgender and gender nonconforming people who can share the burden and provide a safe, understanding space to express the anguish, anger, despair. Hold those who accept you fully and unconditionally in your true identity close as you break ties with those who refuse to love you as the person you truly are. Communicate openly and have patience for those who truly wish to support and honor you in your journey. For partners of transgender people beginning or continuing transition, keep your mind open and your heart filled with love. Physical compatibilities are pretty easy to contend with as long as love and respect continues.
Opmerkingen