A leading researcher in polyamorous relationships, especially families, has revealed that polyamorous families exhibit resilience in their relationships, especially with regard to graceful endings and continued connection through transformation. I believe this is an important lesson that polyamorous families have for monogamous families who are facing a shift from sexual and romantic partners to co-parents, emotional intimates, or even just really loving friends.
Shifting from a connected couple or family to a divorced or separated family can be tough. Many times in our society divorce symbolizes an ending that doesn’t lead immediately to transformation, but is a tunnel through which each person must pass; a tunnel of darkness and pain. But it is possible to have a graceful ending, and to continue a connection, if that is what each partner might want. I think these ideas may be essential to the idea of Intentional Divorce. When I discuss my concept of Intentional Divorce, I emphasize that this type of contemporary style of divorce doesn’t have to be an ending fraught with trauma, conflict, and heartbreak. Instead, divorce can be an opportunity to renegotiate the terms of a relationship according to the shifting needs of a loving family. And the need for a new life for all the members of that family. For more information see my article in the Psychotherapy Networker where I detail the three phases of Intentional Divorce. I am also speaking at the Networker Symposium in March on Intentional Divorce.
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