Do we give our bodies the patience it deserves after childbirth? It is a traumatic experience for many women. Oh yes, it is beautiful….. but it can also hurt! Do we allow ourselves to heal long enough before we have sex? Do we understand the injuries well enough to explain them to our partners, or do we beat ourselves up, not quite gracing our bodies with the time it takes to heal from internal injuries and bruising.
After giving birth to two children myself, the first a premature baby who needed a lot of care in the prenatal unit for several months, and my second who was an emergency C-section after 36 hours of labor, I know I underestimated the impact this would have on my body and on my relationship. I do think I suffered from PTSD in both cases, and although it may look similar to postpartum depression, it isn’t quite the same. Giving birth can be a wonderful and amazing experience, but labor in a cold and sterile delivery room with doctors and nurses who, with panic in their voice, send stress throughout the experience and into a new mother’s heart, can create a fight or flight response in the mother, which does not lend itself to the peace and calm that might be conducive to a fast healing post-birth. And then coming home with an infant when you are physically and emotionally exhausted, perhaps with another small child at home, can make the recovery time even more difficult.
Women are not given a lot of support to voice their fears or concerns or their experiences after a birthing trauma. The environment for birthing is supposed to be natural, spiritual and even sometimes under water. If it’s not, new moms can feel like they have done or are doing something wrong. This can make them feel isolated and inadequate. Rushing to intimacy too soon and feeling physical pain can make it worse.
The injuries sustained during childbirth can be very much like sports injuries and just like sports injuries they can take a long time to heal. Even if medically there is no cause for alarm, giving birth creates many changes in the body and it will take weeks if not months return to normal.
In addition, with a new baby to care for, relationships can suffer. Being patient with your own emotional and physical needs and understanding the changes happening even at a chemical level can help. If your sexual and emotional intimate life is suffering after having a baby, check out this video on how to have great sex even when you are an exhausted new mom.
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