When I posted this question to my fanpage on Facebook (look for me at “Getting the Sex You Want”) –
One fan commented,
“No! Once they have done it, they will always do it.”
Many people agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. But does infidelity always define a personality type?
Sometimes infidelity in a marriage or supposedly monogamous relationship is a symptom of a personality flaw, or the inability to commit, or a deeper issue in the relationship. Other times it may be truly a one time act. and it doesnt have to change the committed nature of the primary partnership.
Another comment from a fan said,
“I think some can [survive an affair]. My partner had an affair, we are now engaged and doin well. Honestly think that it depends on the people, how much they are willin to sort it out and how much effort is put into it. Also depends on who it was with and if they are in the same town.”
I agree. Surviving an affair is more than just ignoring it, or hoping the other person forgives you. It means learning what the motive was behind the infidelity, and how it applies to your relationship. Was it a way to get a need met that wasnt being met inside the relationship? Or was it a developmental stage that had to happen before someone could commit to a deeper level of monogamy?
Sometimes couples agree that seeing outside sexual partners is ok. Monogamy can mean different things to different people.
Whats the most important part of monogamy to you? Honesty, sexual fidelity, or emotional commitment?
Let me know what you’re thinking – Join my fanpage today –
Or write to me here at tammy@tammynelson.org
Stay passionate,
Dr Tammy Nelson
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