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When you discover that your partner cheated on you, it can feel like your world is ending. You rewrite the whole history of your...

What does it mean to live in chaos? Are some people just more prone to self-sabotage? If you haven’t caught it yet, I am the first guest...

When You’re the One Who Cheats is available from Amazon.com ! bit.ly/whenyoucheat An excerpt from When You’re the One Who Cheats © RL...

An excerpt from When You’re the One Who Cheats © RL Publishing 2019 By Dr Tammy Nelson As an exploratory exercise, and to do research for this book , I logged onto one of the more popular “married but dating” websites, Ashley Madison, a website where married people meet other married people to have an affair. There are 54 million people worldwide on the website, and I wanted to know what was drawing so many people to the cheating site. I created a couple of profiles for myse

An excerpt from When You’re the One Who Cheats © RL Publishing 2019 By Dr Tammy Nelson “Twenty percent of adults have practiced consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives” – Wednesday Martin, Author of Untrue Marriage is evolving, adapting to our 21st-century sensibilities. You could have your cake and eat it, too. And why shouldn’t you? Most people, if they could arrange it, would want the cake and the marriage, too. But could you have it if you discussed it op

(An Excerpt from When You’re the One Who Cheats by Dr. Tammy Nelson) The following is an exercise to help you prepare to disclose an affair to your spouse. When revealing infidelity to your partner, it is important to handle the conversation with compassion. What you are about to tell them will undoubtedly be hurtful. You will need to show empathy and kindness when you tell your spouse about your affair. Think about the following five things before you begin. One. This conver

(An Excerpt from When You’re the One Who Cheats by Dr. Tammy Nelson) If you’re having an affair, and you want to disclose the affair to your spouse before you are confronted, here’s an exercise that may help you prepare. Use the following steps to help guide you before revealing the affair to your partner. You’ll want to handle this delicate conversation with respect, dignity and compassion. Remember, what you’re about to reveal to your spouse will undoubtedly hurt; you’ll ne

The “Casual Dating Affair” is one that evolves slowly. It sneaks up on you. Perhaps this has happened to you. You’re only going out for drinks, or for lunch, or for an occasional “business” dinner, with a friend or colleague. You’ve had a few of these get-togethers. This kind of casual relationship begins to turn into something more. You find yourself attracted to this person, you enjoy their company, you want to spend more time together. You text after dinner to say thanks.

Have you ever developed a close relationship with a colleague who you called your “work spouse?” Have you ever thought about allowing (or did allow) that relationship to cross over into something more? If so, then you have likely experienced what I call “vicinity attraction.” We spend so much of our waking hours at work. It makes sense that we would develop close working relationships. And sometimes sexual attraction happens when we spend so much time with people we like and

Ashley Madison recently revealed that more men sign up for their online dating site during the month of October than any other month of the year. Ashley Madison is a website for married people to find other married people to date. I shared several reasons in their article why I thought this might be so. One reason? October is the start of “cuffing season.” What is Cuffing Season? Cuffing season is the time of year when people turn toward each other for warmth and companionshi

Are you like a zebra finch ? Zebra finches are social songbirds and, according to science, are sexually monogamous. A mated female zebra finch has a dopamine reaction only to the song of her mate. She experiences no pleasurable response to the songs of other male finches. Her male partner has no reason at all to feel jealous, because she is not interested in other males, no matter how attractive they are or how hard they try. Does Attraction Go Away in Monogamy? Some people b

In the wake of the #MeToo movement, many people are asking if sex addiction is real. Is out of control sexual conduct and compulsive or erratic sexual behavior a sigh of a “sexual addiction?” Does being sexually inappropriate and acting, reacting or perpetrating against someone sexually mean that, regardless of the circumstances, that person is not responsible for their actions if they are a “sex addict?” Does the label “addict” give someone an excuse to continue or excuse th

Defining infidelity seems simple. Having sex with someone outside of your committed partnership means cheating, right? But today an affair can be tricky to define and identify. Below I share a selection of my articles and videos that can help you define what infidelity is, how to end an affair when you or your partner find yourself embroiled in one, and how to help your relationship recover after infidelity has rocked your monogamy. What is an Affair? At its most basic, infid

Photo by Alexander Solodukhin on Unsplash Open relationships are becoming more common every day. They’re also gradually becoming more accepted. However, hidden biases can show up in the words we use to talk about open relationships. Forever 39 Podcast cited a study from 2016, where four percent of respondents “admitted” they’d had an open relationship. While “more than half indicated they are morally opposed to the idea,” another 44% said “the request wouldn’t be an automat

Photo by  Samuel Zeller  on  Unsplash Have you heard of virtual reality pornography? This innovative technology allows you to totally immerse yourself into a pornographic scene. Putting on VR glasses allows you to interact directly with the characters. Is VR Porn Good or Bad? Does this intrigue you? Does it turn you off? Does it worry or alarm you? While many are eager to try it, many others have deep concerns about this new technology. What Are We Afraid Of? On the Future of

Twenty five to sixty five percent of people cheat at some point in their marriage. The results of infidelity research are non-conclusive: we aren’t really sure exactly how many people cheat. Cheating is based on dishonesty, and those polled lie even to the researchers. When Do They Communicate? We do know that between 8 and 9 am on Monday mornings is apparently the most likely time that cheaters will communicate with their lovers. The site, Illicit Encounters, designed to fac

Lots of couples go through it. Not everyone blogs about it. And very few post photos. In a recent piece by Yolonda Jones, both blog and photos show how powerful and poignant the process of recovering from an affair can be, fore both partners. Her words are raw and transparent. She writes directly about her devastation and what really happens in the wake of a betrayal. She unpacks the rollercoaster of their ride through PTSD and how they both managed. One of the most moving e

The Internet is often brought up in couples conflicts and blamed for infidelity. There are more ways to cheat today than ever before. What Counts as Cheating? And each couple may define cheating differently. The types of infidelity can range from secretly viewing online porn, to chatting privately with ex partners, to seeking out new people on dating apps, or even to having a full-blown online affair, through a webcam where you can have both a sexual and an emotional relatio

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have an affair? To kiss or have sex with someone other than your spouse? Have you ever longed for more variety? Have you thought about it, maybe even met someone, but chose not to explore it further because you didn’t want to hurt your partner or break your vows? Lots of people experience similar thoughts. But what if you could follow through on some of those feelings with the consent of your partner? Would you do it? More peopl

Are you ready to break up or to wake up? That’s the first question to ask yourself after you or your partner has had an affair. If you think maybe it was a wake-up call, instead of a way out of the relationship, then there are three steps you can take to repair things between you. Check out my recent article on YourTango to learn the three steps necessary to recover and build a stronger, more passionate post-affair relationship. #infidelity #recoveringafterinfidelity #relat