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A couple came to one of my couples retreats. She was the dragger. He was the dragee. She was nervous. He did not want to be there. We went around the room and the couples introduced themselves. Lots of people said they had better things to do than sit in a room and talk about their relationship issues. He relaxed. I told them no one would have to share anything in front of the group. They would do all of their talking in private. All of the nervous partners exhaled. But they