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Are you like a zebra finch ? Zebra finches are social songbirds and, according to science, are sexually monogamous. A mated female zebra finch has a dopamine reaction only to the song of her mate. She experiences no pleasurable response to the songs of other male finches. Her male partner has no reason at all to feel jealous, because she is not interested in other males, no matter how attractive they are or how hard they try. Does Attraction Go Away in Monogamy? Some people b

Defining infidelity seems simple. Having sex with someone outside of your committed partnership means cheating, right? But today an affair can be tricky to define and identify. Below I share a selection of my articles and videos that can help you define what infidelity is, how to end an affair when you or your partner find yourself embroiled in one, and how to help your relationship recover after infidelity has rocked your monogamy. What is an Affair? At its most basic, infid

The Internet is often brought up in couples conflicts and blamed for infidelity. There are more ways to cheat today than ever before. What Counts as Cheating? And each couple may define cheating differently. The types of infidelity can range from secretly viewing online porn, to chatting privately with ex partners, to seeking out new people on dating apps, or even to having a full-blown online affair, through a webcam where you can have both a sexual and an emotional relatio

The recent New York Times Magazine article, “ Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage? ” has opened a national conversation about the controversial practice of consensual nonmonogamy. Change Can Be Scary Although a lot of the comments on that article were from readers who felt shocked and threatened by this new narrative, it makes sense that they responded with fear. Many people are afraid of change. And the comments on the article are revealing. They are an indication of jus

The idea of an open marriage may be new to many , but there have been people practicing some form of open marriage, or marriage with multiple partners, for decades. And in fact, many people are in marriages with multiple partners, they just don’t know about it. We call this cheating in our culture. Open Marriage is More Honest The recent New York Times Magazine article, titled “Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage,” reveals that increasing numbers of people are practicing

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have an affair? To kiss or have sex with someone other than your spouse? Have you ever longed for more variety? Have you thought about it, maybe even met someone, but chose not to explore it further because you didn’t want to hurt your partner or break your vows? Lots of people experience similar thoughts. But what if you could follow through on some of those feelings with the consent of your partner? Would you do it? More peopl

In today’s changing world, there is no one right way to be in a relationship. In my book, The New Monogamy , couples can create a new type of agreement where they can change their implicit assumptions around their monogamy to a more explicit discussion, creating a more consensual relationship. In Carrie Jenkins’ book, What Love Is and What It Could Be , she talks about negotiating her world of loving relationships. Sometimes couples who are in implicitly monogamous relation